We Need to Talk About… Makeup Trends You Should Know

it's me Nikki welcome to the final day of holla week during Halloween my mom transformed into Morticia Addams I became a bride from hell the sculpture has transformed me into the most beautiful diamond skull there ever was not to toot my own horn but I'm definitely Tooting her horn and then this week accelerated into total chaos because I did my makeup all by myself all alone in haunted forest and yesterday one of my all-time dreams became reality when I became a scare actor at a theme park and got to scare the living hell out of people a lot has happened this week and with my entire heart I can say that this Halloween is the halle week that I'm the proudest of I went outside of my comfort zone I mean I sat in a haunted forest like it doesn't get more uncomfortable than that I went beyond my comfortable box and try to give you something new and to close this very special week off today I want to get real with you over an Instagram I asked everybody what you wanted to see for the final episode of Halloween and even though there were a lot of maleficents a lot of jokers and a lot a lot of transforming myself into Dylan today I wanted to get a little bit more personal with you because that is something that I've been reading that you've been watching me for 11 years and you don't quite know who I am today I'm gonna sit down because it's time for you to get to know me a little bit better and create a look inspired by my worst fear death the first step we're going to do to create this death inspired look is what I'm gonna do is gonna go in with my Elmer's washable school glue this is the purple one please use the purple one and I'm gonna block up my brows and I'm doing so because when I think of death oh my god this is about to be a very deep video oh when I think about death I think about blackness emptiness this sort of like void it's scary but at the same time it can be really beautiful you know kinda like my brows scary and beautiful at the same time I'm using joking as my coping mechanism today so if you feel like I'm out of place joking about things it is me trying to survive off camera I'm quickly gonna block out my brows using the glue and then it's time for the paint and it's time to get real brows are blocked and I may or may not have definitely licked my glue stick thanks to Trixie Mattel okay well I honestly have no idea where this is gonna go I feel like this is more a video for me to just kind of sit down do my makeup and talk about some of the stories that I've gone through in my life so the first step is primer of course for primary today I'm going in with this one by morphe this is called the foundation primer in revitalizer oh this is oh this is nice this is like a sticky moisturizing goodness okay I don't even think it was possible but I'm gonna peel up my face a little bit more because I want this look to be kind of creepy and scary duh so I'm going in with the Juvia space shade six these have been incredible and I'm gonna go in with the lightest shade Tokyo and a little bit of Lima and we're just gonna create a base all right let's start blending this in now for those of you that are new here hi my name is Nikki and I am 25 years old I'm from the Netherlands in case you were wondering where that accent came from I have been doing YouTube since I was 14 years old I have literally grown up on the Internet as a kid I always got bullied because I was overweight and I was too tall us out of my entire school pretty much and I feel like as soon as you are different as a kid the other kids will pick on to that and make it very well-known as soon as you don't fit the mold you're too different to be accepted and I feel like that is definitely what happened in my youth but crazily enough even though I got bullied so much I still loved making new friends love joking around and I always think that joking was part of my coping mechanism to sort of like deal with stuff or make people like me a bit more now the people used to bully me usually were teenage boys hence why for the rest of my life I was traumatized and scared by a teenage boys even sometimes nowadays when I walk somewhere and I see a group of teenage boys I am very very uncomfortable thank God I got better with it as I grew older but teenage boys are like a nightmare to me like tscared the living hell out of me now because of all the bullying what happened was I got very very insecure and my mom once said that she saw me go from a very happy girl to insecure down sad and just not really as open and out there as before and I remember worrying about every single thing in life I was so insecure about my image about the way I acted about my voice about my face about everything in my life at one point I got so insecure and I thought people were gonna get mad at me or bully me that if I moved something or did something in a public place I had so much anxiety that I thought someone was gonna yell at me or say stuff to me I was scared shitless that introduced me to death I was so unhappy in life and scared and just I didn't feel like I could be myself or walk straight or just own it and that's when the first sort of like seeds of and I'm going to say it's suicide went through my head and this is really dark but there was always this other side to it death is so scary to me so scary to me it is nothing it is nothingness like what where do we go like once we pass away do we know what happens to us do we still have thoughts do I get to talk to myself the way I do now on a daily basis like am I in my head is still an entity ready to communicate and like speak to myself will we like what is what comes after death and just the thought of that is frightening to me so every time and I'm gonna get so real with you every time every time I had the whisper of suicide the other hand of like not knowing what that would mean what that would entail scared the living [ __ ] out of me even though I was so sad and and broken life is so beautiful and even though I was so young and even though I had all these thoughts going through my mind I was like but nothingness is worse my mom definitely noticed that I was changing as a human being and she saw that I doubted everything in my mind I doubted everything I did in life and she one day was like honey I know you're struggling and I'm gonna send you to this like like camp to start believing in yourself again and I'm definitely very happy that my mom send me to that camp and made me love myself in a way again and it helped me cope with like more bullying later in life so momma tutorials to the rescue right now I'm gonna go off camera and do one I to see if I can translate my thoughts into this look and then I'll show you how to do it all right one eye is done and now it's time to do the other I went for a more unique shape because I feel like death in and of itself is very unique but still with a touch of glam because there's like different sides