Responding to My Coming Out: Personal Story

I cannot even put into words how good it feels to be back in this studio to have the most fun backdrop going on in a minute and to sit here and do exactly what I love most it has been a crazy whirlwind these last couple of weeks it has been trust me it's been nuts hi it's it's been nuts I took back my power and in this video I want to clear up some questions that I've been seeing going around over the past few weeks and I literally just want to be an open book to you you know for weeks I was struggling to kind of decide what my next video should be because you know how do you follow up a coming out video like how do you I didn't know what to post after that but there's one thing that has always helped me even through my darkest times and that is makeup my love for makeup so that is exactly what we're doing today I'm calling it makeup therapy I've done it before in a very very dark time of my life I'm not saying that this is a dark time but it is a time to process a lot of stuff that has been happening and I think I can do that best while applying a sick beat to my face so if you're ready to get some answers and if you're ready to learn more about me and these past few weeks we'll sit tight let's go we are on okay let's get to makeup and let's get this therapy session started shall we when I uploaded my video I literally did not know what to expect that night of me uploading this video I was the most anxious the most nervous the most stressed I've ever been in my life like the feelings that went through my body I wouldn't wish upon my worst enemy not that I have well I have an enemy now clearly I wouldn't wish that upon my worst enemy that type of feeling is so dark but I made it through and I know I should be doing my makeup right now we'll get to that but I just before we do anything I just want to say thank you for your acceptance your love your kindness for understanding me and where I'm coming from and totally having my back after uploading my video it took me two days to go out in public because I was too scared of what the public would say and I think the most surprising thing to me was I'm I'm a tall [ __ ] everybody knows I'm a tall [ __ ] we've been through that so people always look at me people either look at me because oh my god I'm so tall or oh my god that's nikkietutorials from youtube and right now my fear was that if I would go out that people would only think oh my god it's like tknow and that was so frightening to me because I thought that was gonna be the only thing that people looked at me for and I remember walking my dogs and I live near the woods now so don't see a lot of people when I go out and walk the dogs but there's my neighbor and she told me how proud she was of me and how I'm such a strong individual and she had tears in her eyes and I not in my craziest dreams did I think that would happen also because of all of the stress and all the release I've been getting a lot of new friends on my face that's been a party but I'm talking mothers that have come up to me and taking my hand and thanking me because thave a child who feels like they're finally being understood me walking in public and having random strangers looking me right in the eyes and sort of like winking at me being like you're gonna be okay you're fine we're proud of you you did good oh my gosh what else I saw the most incredible conversations about this topic on Dutch television because it really opened a conversation and I got emails from lawmakers that got inspired by this story and wanted to change the world and trust me when I say if I could a book from all the offers I got for a book deal Harry Potter would be nothing so it's been so much positivity it has been so crazy and absolutely surreal seeing the world respond to me and welcoming me with open arms and showing me nothing but love and respect of course there's always gonna be those bitter Betsy's out there who just don't want to understand and I I knew that was a group that was there too but that's nothing I can't handle one thing that was really amazing for me to see as well as I feel like the the beauty community really got together and collectively supported me so much crazy stuff has happened guys I was the number four most searched term on Google that's crazy ministers in Holland have spoken about my come out like literally it was the number one trending topic in my country for three days straight and even I got tired of hearing my own voice saying oh my god I'm transgender I was listening to the radio and and ttook the the little clip of me saying I am transgender and tplayed it every single hour and by the time was two o'clock I was a girl we know you know and speaking about the press I'm literally gonna marry Loras I was overwhelmed with how many media outlets wanted to have me as a guest and although I'm so thankful that so many outlets wanted to reach out and support my story it also was so overwhelming because I didn't know what the right choice was and I ended up going for Ellen I was on The Ellen Show but even after being on Ellen the number one outlet where I get to truly be myself and share my full story is here on my youtube channel right here is the place where I get to be truly me where I have all the time to talk about my story and I want my words to come from a safe place and this right here is my safe place all right time for eyes and I want to translate what is going on on my nails to my eyes so on the blue side of my nails I did a pink eye makeup pink eye and on the pink side of my nails I want to do a blue eye so we have celebration okay now it's time to talk about something that I feel like a lot of you guys are waiting on let's talk about the blackmailing first of all I think we need to stop the witch hunt that I've been seeing going around I've been seeing so many truth videos out there saying oh my god this is Nikki's blackmailer oh my god we found the guy oh my god we found the girl this and this person are Nikki's blackmailers and to be honest I don't think that is your story to tell if anyone's gonna have the right to tell more about these blackmailers it's gonna be me how I deal with the situation and what information I would like to share at the end of the day is my story no other person or media outlet should be the one talking about my blackmailer when tonly know half of the truth you are destroying people's lives that aren't even involved in this and I ask you to stop this now before I get to my shadow I do want to say a couple of things what the help of police we have found out who exactly was blackmailing me I have their names their phone numbers email addresses I even know where tlive and how ttreated people around me to get more information on my true story and let me tell you when I found out exactly who was behind this all I was shocked because this is not a person that any of you know it is